You Too Can Be A Holocaust Survivor!

Much as I’d like to give credit to the author of this brilliant piece I do not remember where I found it. It is, however, simply  too good to consign to oblivion.

I have corrected one spelling mistake, replaced one word and added the illustrations.

Bernard Weckmann


Becoming a Holocaust survivor will open millions of new horizons for you! A wide range of specialty fields in Shoah Business are open to you through the college of Hebrew Youth Public Education (HYPE.)

Learn documentation alteration where you can make anyone into a wanted Nazi war criminal! Special instruction from former Soviet KGB operatives, the folks who gave our industry the famous, one-of-a-kind Demjanjuk SS ID Card!

Major in kosher accounting, the most creative number-crunching system ever evolved, where everything adds up to six million!


Make your fortune in the lucrative field of reparations racketeering! Learn how to extort money from the European country of your choice by finding “Nazi gold” hidden in every bank account!


Get into the incredibly profitable Holocaust book business! A prominent nose and one of our diplomas will certify you as a Holocaust expert! In addition to the book sales there are the lecture tours, the media appearances, the guest speaker circuit at fancy-schmancy Holocaust drinkie-dos, and above all those eye-popping consultancy fees! Being a recognized Holocaust maven is a license to print money!

Yanina Cywinska


Learn Holocaust Museum Management and have your own personal fantasy land! Maybe even build your own Holocaust theme park complete with weekend package tours in an authentic replica Nazi concentration camp, complete with striped suits, wash-off tattooed numbers, KZ ration meals and SS-uniformed “guards”!


Like to travel? Then become a professional war crimes witness!

At graduation from HYPE you will receive a diploma, a tattoo (your social security number, but no one will ever be so impolite as to point it out), and your meal ticket for life!


Fairy tales can come true! It can happen to you at Hebrew Youth Public Education!



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